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This Will Never Feel Like Home

Updated: Sep 18, 2019

And that's okay.

These pictures and posts have a lot to say about home, and that's become a part of me that's comfortable in expressing through different means and mediums.

In Japan, I learned that the word for "home" is the same word as "train platform." Maybe it's because people spent most of their time on train platforms, or any sort of platform that is capable of housing you is a home. But home and house have never been synonymous to me.

In India, I walked down country streets surrounded with tropical plants and colors that made me feel as though I was in my own flashback, walking down the same streets I grew up in. In Vietnam, I drove down similar streets and both times I turned to a friend next to me and said, "this looks like my home."

But I don't have a home. I'm based in San Diego again, settling into my new life at a slower pace and less country-hopping than the past four months, but my house now has a funny feel in my mouth if I were to call it home.

"Home" is still and probably will forever be Hawaii, even though I'm not living there permanently anymore. And yet, calling Hawaii my only home seems unfair to the places that housed me when I was lost and still looking for one.

Home was South Africa for six days, when I got lost in the city and made friends with a hostel manager who let me stay a night after conversations over drinks in a bar on Long Street.

Home was India, when I crashed with a friend but could still walk outside and think about what I left and what I had yet to come back to in Hawaii.

Home was Japan, when I found my grandfather's village and had a new distant cousin teach me Japanese after three days of searching and six dollars to my name.

Home is not always a place, and it seems to be something that almost every country outside of Western Civilization has grasped; so while we grow up trying to find a house and build a home, we miss every chance to learn that home is a place you miss when you're uncomfortable, no matter how uncomfortable it might have been to be there at first.

It's okay to have more than one home, and it's okay to have none but yourself. If there's anything I learned, it's that home is a social construct that should have no bearing on you. Miss home, go home, be your own home, but learn what it means to you first before you go looking for it.

You'll save yourself a lot of time.

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